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What’s your story?
Here’s a portion of mine. I’ve had a life filled
with incredible blessing, but I have also had difficult experiences, some of which
have gotten in the way of being able to make progress in areas that were
important to me. I am a survivor of
sexual abuse. I’ve been hurt to the
point of keeping people at arm’s length.
I have dealt with some level of self-doubt most of my life. I’ve been disappointed in myself and others
to the point of cynicism and indifference.
When I’m tempted into self-pity, I can dip into sad messages that, despite
my deepest desires, my hurts, disappointments and broken dreams are going to go
with me to my grave. “But, Karen”,, you
protest, “You’re always so confident!”
No, I’m not.
Surprised? Don’t
be. The reality is that women from every
walk of life, in general, struggle with feelings of being some version of a hot
mess quite frequently. Whether we turn
down opportunity because we don’t feel qualified (even if we are), we suffer
from the imposter syndrome because our internal critics are louder than our
internal compass, or we make safe decisions because we don’t want to risk
criticism/failure. The things that get
in the way of productive women are often more about our own stories than
anything else.
Our stories matter when we’ve been in denial and it’s time
to put a name to our experiences. Our
stories matter when it’s time to set boundaries and communicate needs, wants
and expectations. Our stories matter
when we are focused on dealing with causes of our issues, not just
symptoms. At some point, however, there
comes a time when we have to push past our stories in order to make progress.
It was only when I became fed-up with being stuck
(personally, professionally, spiritually, physically and mentally) that I began
to understand something powerful. My
story is a part of who I am but how I got to where I am today doesn’t matter as
much as what I do to get to where I want to be (personally, professionally,
spiritually, physically and mentally).
Is your story getting
in the way of you being able to move forward? Are you exhausting yourself or others with acting
wounded, broken, angry, moody, cold, frustrated or forgotten? Did you have expectations of getting
somewhere specific in your life but you keep ending up in the wrong place (or
the same place)? Do you long for support
and understanding but find warm, willing ears few and far between? Your story may be getting in the way.
·
Sometimes we are too close to our own story to recognize
what’s getting in our way. We are
experts at holding mirrors to external relationships and circumstances to
justify what’s going on in our lives. A
majority of my clients start out saying they want someone or something outside
of themselves to change, only to realize during the coaching process that their
lack of progress was staring back at them in their own reflection. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a
full-time manager, a philanthropist, an entrepreneur, artist or rock-scientist
- there is power in courageously welcoming
the discovery of what you tend to hide from and run from (personally,
professionally, spiritually, physically and mentally). Progress in any area comes in taking action
based on the things you can influence within yourself.
·
Prayer/meditation/reflection/centering gets
replaced with to-do lists, checking social status updates and newsfeeds,
scheduling on the fly and multi-tasking.
Most of those things are related to what’s happening with others. When we avoid slowing down long enough to understand
what parts of our own story move us forward and which parts hold us back from
what we want, we grow desensitized to our own development opportunities and
tend to repeat the things we are most afraid of (regret, insignificance, being
forgotten, being alone.). There is power in creating space to
act/behave with thoughtful intention and courageous responsibility about who
you want to be or what you want to be known for.
·
Ignoring your story won’t help you move
forward. Owning your story will. Pretending like the painful, raw parts of
your life didn’t happen is much like pretending the angry rhino in the living
room isn’t there; you will discover the hard way that rhinos require expert
handling and awareness of what’s important and what’s not. Repeating the same
old pains/frustrations only tells others that you haven’t dealt with your
stuff. I promise – anyone who is healthy
and successful in what you desire will soon tire of your repeats. And anyone who doesn’t tire is most likely
stuck is something themselves – that should tell you something. It doesn’t matter if you are highly
successful and have a new goal to push towards or if you are a wounded woman
starting from scratch. There is power in knowing how to process
your story and who can be trusted with it.
There is even more power in creating a new story. You can start today.
AFFIRMATION Instructions - Remove all
distractions from around you. Take a
deep, slow breath – repeat until you sense that your spirit is quieted enough
to receive truth. GET FOCUSED - Say the statements below (in bold) out loud and at a
pace that allows you to hear and own each word. IDENTIFY
PURPOSE – Replace behavior that was a part of your old story with behavior
that is a part of your new one. GATHER PERSPECTIVE – Identify thoughts and ideas, resources
and relationships that support your new story.
If you fill your life and your mind with the right things, eventually
there is no room for the wrong things.
GET FOCUSED
My story, in all of its forms, is a part of
me, but it doesn’t define me. Today I
will move forward. Beginning today, I
will be more positive, hopeful, responsible and courageous about how I can be who I want to be and about what I want to be known for.
IDENTIFY PURPOSE
Personal Life
I
will stop doing the following in my personal life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I
will start doing the following in my personal life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my personal life, I want to be:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my personal life, I want to be known for:
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Professional Life
I
will stop doing the following in my professional life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I
will start doing the following in my professional life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my professional life, I want to be:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my professional life, I want to be known for:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Spiritual Life
I
will stop doing the following in my spiritual life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I
will start doing the following in my spiritual life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my spiritual life, I want to be:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my spiritual life, I want to be known for:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Physical Life
I
will stop doing the following in my physical life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I
will start doing the following in my physical life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my physical life, I want to be:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my physical life, I want to be known for:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mental Life
I
will stop doing the following in my mental life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I
will start doing the following in my mental life:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my mental life, I want to be:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In
my mental life, I want to be known for:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
GET PERSPECTIVE
My story is a valuable part of who I am. Today is the day it helps me begin a new one.
