The 5 Critical Keys to (Executive) Presence

In a recent group coaching session on Executive Presence, I met an ambitious woman who came to the group in part after, once again, being passed over for a promotion.

During our discussion about the role of personal brand in Executive Presence, she very righteously described her unwillingness to examine what she wore or how she wore it (as an example), feeling as though she was being asked to be someone she didn't want to be.

"I understand, I said. So, who do you want to be at work?" She shifted in her seat as she realized she wasn't quite prepared to answer. "I want to be taken seriously. I've worked hard." "Of course", I deferred. "I'm hearing you describe how you want to feel and what you've done. I'm not sure I've heard who you want to be. How does having worked hard and wanting to be taken seriously help you clarify the steps you need to take to help you get what you really want?"

Her voice softened. "I guess it doesn't. I hate talking about having to change anything about myself because I'm comfortable. But people spend more time talking about my crazy outfits and how I put my colleague in his place than they do about my work." Several others nodded their heads. "It sounds like you are remembered for some very specific things. How does your current approach get you closer to what you want to be remembered for, especially when it comes to being promoted?" The group began joining in for one of the most productive group coaching sessions to date.

Developing presence, whether you are an executive or you want to be one, takes 5 critical keys: intention, awareness, honesty, action and consistency.

If your work is exceptional or unique, or you're not trying to change anything about your current circumstances, it's easier to take risks. But the closer you come to gaining responsibility or seeking a change in roles/responsibility, the more important the components of Presence become.

Presence, executive or otherwise, isn't a happy accident. It's a thoughtful approach to showing up the way you intend, to make the impact you want, to make progress in the areas that are most important to you.

Hoping that hard work alone will create the growth or depth - professional or personal - that you want only helps to ensure that: you stay exactly where you are and/or 2) you get results that underwhelm or disappoint.

The Alice Project offers options for individual and group coaching that can help you identify, tap into and leverage your Presence.

Karen

678-849-5999

www.the-alice-project.com

Connect More, Connect Less. Do Both.

In 2014 I launched a business, and although I said that's what I wanted I was surprised that it actually happened. I could say I did it, but any success I have had is because of my connection to others.  My success is a direct reflection of the investment people made in me - whether clients, business partners and associates, family or friends, it is the blessing of connection that has given me the ability to walk from what was certain to what was possible.

With the dawn of 2015, connection is all the ever more important to me.  So I'm going to do two things - I'm going to connect more, and I'm going to connect less.  But before I invite you to join me, let me tell you what I mean.

New business owners are hungry for connections.  You never know who can help your business grow and help you get the word out about what you're doing.  Never mind that the person who's asked to connect on social media has not given any indication of WHY they want to connect.  Just say yes!  And somewhere within that x% increase in social media traffic is an opportunity... Right?

The truth is that one of my greatest desires for the new year is to have a stronger handle on connecting more with the relationships that are authentic representations of my Focus, my Purpose and my Perspectives.

Connecting More

In connecting more, I want to identify the list of my most important, meaningful relationships and dedicate regular and specific times to give my best to them.  These are the people who are with me when I'm popular and when I'm not.  They show up when the room is otherwise empty.  They stick with me when I'm a pain and they celebrate me when I'm unwittingly courageous.  They are assigned to me (bless their hearts) and I to them.  Connecting with them is how I connect with myself.

I want to identify a short list of causes to support with my time, talents and financial resources.  My increase in being more fully present means those causes will understand more clearly why I am making a difference for them.  I won't just be a line item on their rosters, I will be an inspiration and encouragement for their mission statement.

In connecting more, I am more focused about what's in front of me, and less focused on what is floating around me.  I am more purposeful about what I was placed on the earth to accomplish, and my perspectives reinforce what is and what is not important.

Connecting Less

In connecting less, I relinquish the need to sign up for everything.  "No", "Not now" and "Not a fit" are statements of liberation, commitment and confidence about what I'm connecting more to.

In connecting less, I'm more patient in my replies.  I listen for how the questions and inquiries that enter my life are connected to my Focus, Purpose and Perspective.  Connecting less actually helps me do more - more of what matters, to me and those I serve.

In connecting less, I'm relinquishing my tendency to let fear dictate who and what I connect with, what I say no to and how I show up in my professional and personal worlds.

In connecting less, I embrace the reality that not everyone is meant to be connected to everyone.  And although it is counterintuitive to what our "smart" lives would tell us, the reality is that I am ok whether or not I have an increase in traffic or not.  My success lies in something much more basic.

Technology is a tool, no longer a trap.  Connection is a blessing, not a burden.  Relationship is energy - both given and received.

Join Me

In connecting more and connecting less, I am a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend, a better contributor, a better citizen.

Let's start a movement.  Connect with me (and others) more, and connect less.  We'll both be better for it.
Love, K-

Karen R. Hilton
The Alice Project, LLC
www.the-alice-project.com
678-849-5999

2015 All Rights Reserved.  The Alice Project, LLC

New Year, Fresh Page - Three Steps to a Productive Year

I love the beginning of the new year as much as I have always loved getting a brand new notebook.  It's a fresh start, anything is possible and there is always something new to learn.

As I contemplate what I've learned from the prior year, I love searching for resources that enlighten, teach, challenge and inspire me to be a better wife, mother and coach for the coming year.  This year the professional topics I'm building my library around include executive presence, confidence and leadership.

There is an inexhaustible amount of content available on each of these topics, written by some incredibly smart, experienced and educated people - male and female.  But with each book I start reading, I feel compelled to add to these very important conversations:  If you lack Focus, are disconnected from your Purpose and have no Perspective on what's most important to you, the application of any technique or trick will eventually fail you.

If you want to end they year (any year) with a hunger about the year to come:

- Get laser focused about what you (really) want.  Most of us ask ourselves comfortable and convenient questions.  We skirt around issues, most of the time because we are simply too close to them to recognize what's really getting in our way.  We have a lot on our plate and convince ourselves that nothing is optional, when in fact we have more options than we realize.  What makes us uncomfortable is one of two things:

        - Avoiding making someone else uncomfortable with what may have to change if we  change

        - Avoiding making ourselves uncomfortable with what may have to change if we change

 

- Identify your purpose.  We all have one.  I call it getting to know the real you.  It's the why of what you do; more specifically it's the why of what you want to do.  Statistics abound on the number of people just going through the motions of life, only to realize many years into it that they never wanted to do or be this or that.  Identifying your purpose isn't about abandoning practical realities.  It has to do with identifying and making space for the things that energize, rejuvenate and invigorate your gifts, talents and abilities.  A car functions as one unit but it is still made up of individual parts that each have specific requirements for care and functioning.  Neglect a part's needs and it eventually breaks or fails beyond repair.  What part of who you are (or who you want to be) - professionally or personally - are you neglecting?  At what cost?  It doesn't have to be that way.  Connecting with your purpose is a lifeline to creating the professional and/or personal life you want.

- Discover perspective.  A week ago I met with a client who reaffirmed that the reason she was afraid to move forward was because her mother raised her to be that way.  My client is 36.  I challenged her to make up a tale of her life if she were actually in control of what her life looked like.  At the end of this fairy tale  I was so curious and I asked her what was getting in the way of her making the choices she just described in her story, considering her mother was 1000 miles away, she was working and paying her own bills and running a home with children and a husband.  It had not occurred to her that she could make different choices.  The perspective of her childhood held her captive to a life that not only didn't serve her well, it hurt her.  Our work together now is focused on reframing her perspectives - monthly coaching; books and other resources; a new, more positive network of friends and family; setting healthy boundaries and a commitment to healthy outlets (in her case, music and exercise).
 
The new year is a powerful time to start with a fresh page. You have a right to feel terrified and excited, but don't let either stop you from moving forward.

It's a new year - anything is possible.  Whatever it brings, whether or not it's "happy" is entirely up to you.
Love, K-

Karen R. Hilton
The Alice Project, LLC
www.the-alice-project.com
678-849-5999

All Rights Protected.  Copyright 2015  The Alice Project, LLC

The Power of The Rally

In most cases I choose not to watch sporting events – live or on TV - because I can’t sit still that long and because I get so emotionally caught up in the game that I distract everyone else and frustrate myself. But if you ever catch me staring at the TV as a team is getting ready for a game to begin, you’ll see me in a state of fascination watching the team huddle together, chanting, swaying, jumping and otherwise rallying themselves into an almost hypnotic frenzy about, well, themselves.  The energy from that tribal rally is contagious, and it won’t surprise you that – being the non-sports fan that I am – I feel a connection, and a sense of pride for the team I’m watching (it matters not the team).

I feel better now that I’ve said that out loud, but what’s more important is understanding the power of The Rally.  No doubt the team I’m watching has experienced all sorts of things prior to the game – collectively and individually.  They’ve had challenges, sick kids, interpersonal struggles, marital woes, aging parents, crazy family members, injuries or illnesses, and who knows what else.  Despite all of their differences, challenges and distractions, on a regular basis the team forms a circle, gets close enough that there are no gaps between them, they look each other in the eye, lock arms and start to sway and chant until they and those around them sense that they are one unit, with the same cause, the same focus and the same grit.

There is something to learn here that I think more leadership teams can leverage.  As an HR leader for more than 20 years, my team and I felt the weight of the cheerleader label.  What I want business to learn from – if not from HR – then from your favorite sports team: the value of rallying your teams or organization to remind each other what you came to “the field” for in the first place.  Set aside your differences and get after whatever it is you went to market to do.  Egomaniacs either need to be benched or leveraged for the energy or expertise they can bring to help bring in the win, but wimpy-ness should never be an option.  The balance is that the saying is true “culture eats strategy for breakfast” – put your egomaniacs in their place or your success will fall just as hard as it peaked.

And on the topic of underperformers (it annoys me to even have to say it) but - deal with it.  I don't mean tolerate it, I mean literally deal with it.  Handle it, address it.  So why do so many managers and leaders tolerate underperformers?  Two reasons - one, underperformers are scary.  Managers imagine being accused of discrimination or worse and they freeze.  There is a way to deal with that but you won't like the solution (handle it yourself or ask HR for help)... Told you.  Second, underperformers who are still on the team, especially if they have been underperforming for some time, are a reflection of the manager/leader who has allowed them to remain.  Isn't there any hope for someone who is isn't performing up to standard?  Yes, but development happens off the field more than it happens on the field.

Development is great, but remember to not confuse politeness for execution - on the players part or on your part.  Managers who promise their players a chance to hold the ball but never give specifics shouldn't be leading (they need development themselves).  Focus (in this case being specific) changes the trajectory of culture, brand, influence and revenue.  So why would you be vague with anyone who is holding the ball or has the potential to hold the ball?  But when your players have done the work, put them on the field.  Find a way to leverage your talent and shed the one-trick-pony team dynamic.  Sportsmanship is always in season but leave politeness for the awards banquet.

What do your teams expect when it comes to The Rally?  Is it non-existent and you go from performance review to performance review sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher?  Is it inconsistent and you only spend time celebrating/rallying when leadership decides to make time for it?  Is it selective and you only do it with the people in your organization that you like or who consistently perform well?  You are probably missing out on a platinum opportunity to get to the heart of your (hidden) MVP’s.

C’mon man!  Get your team/organization together and design a rally that reminds them and everyone they come in contact with that you came to play the game and you came to win!

Love,

Karen
Founder and President
The Alice Project
www.the-alice-project.com
678-849-5999

It Ain't Over Until God Says It's Over

 

As I finish the work week and I reflect on what I've had to push through, this saying brings me comfort.  The anniversary of my mother's passing approaches and I'm certain she's with me as she reminds me, as it was during her extended illness that - "it ain't over until God says it's over".  When she slipped from this world into the next, laying in my arms as I tried to talk her out of it, she literally announced to me that she was leaving - God had spoken and it was over.  Moments later while the tears flowed, I felt a strange sense of victory and peace. 

You see, more than 7 years earlier, what seemed like the insurmountable events surrounding her diagnosis of ovarian cancer, felt like the greatest defeat.  As it is also said "God's ways are not our ways - His thoughts are not our thoughts."  It wouldn't occur to me that God would take what was meant for evil (her illness) and use it to bring strength, victory and hope to our family, to those closest to us, to the nurses and doctors and to those who learned of our journey.  But that's exactly what happened.  In me, I think the biggest transformation came in the form of an eternal perspective.  It helps me set aside the temptation to show up in the world as others think I need to be, but instead to celebrate all of who I am.

Many who know me believe that I've had it all together all my life.  What most don't know is that I have been fighting for my literal and spiritual life since I was old enough to declare God's word, pray over or with anybody, old enough to worship in song during a church service or speak in front of people.

So what about you?  That thing that won't leave your spirit, that thing that follows you in your quiet moments, that stands at the back of the crowd in your outrageous victories, that you wish wasn't your burden to bear, that thing that tries to convince you that it's stronger than you are - it's not.  YOU have authority to speak life to and over whatever that thing is.  And please don't get distracted about feeling like this is a religious thing (where else do you get defensive towards something meant to help you).  It's not about pretending.  It's about remembering how many choices you have.

My mother could have just given up and carried her illness in her countenance, in her interactions, relationships and circumstances.  She had good reason.  But she was too intent on being a blessing.  She was hungrier to discover the life she had left to live.  When didn't feel well, she rested.  She surrounded herself with people who would help her heal and rest, but THE SECOND she felt her strength return, she was back at it. It was that kind of witness that encouraged the rest of us to lay our excuses down and get back at it.  Whether you are Christian or not, what's your witness?

Redirect your energy.   Feelings of doubt, fear, hesitation, depression standing by you?  Got it.  I get it.  Do something for me.  Pick one "other" thing to do today.  Don't sit around and wait for your feelings to catch up with you mind.  Just go do it.  Go work out.  Go visit that elderly neighbor.  Go to that volunteer meeting.  Go to Friday night service.  Go meet your friend for dinner. Reorganize your office.  Pick a pile to file away. Take your ill-fitting clothes to the thrift store. Send a couple of greeting cards to someone who will least expect it.

Until God's says it's over (whatever "it" is for you), you've got work you were born to do.  Worst case scenario is someone else will do what you were meant to do.  Best case is - YOU will do it and discover what it means when you hear me say "It ain't over until God says it over".

Love,

k-

Getting Your Managers Unstuck – The Coaches Approach To Management Progress™

 

                                             Image Source: www.genaris.com Original Source Unknown

 

You know the scenario – frustration washes over your managers at the suggestion that they are responsible for driving outcomes from problematic teams.  It’s not uncommon that even talented managers resort to doing the work themselves, micro-managing or being actively disengaged.  It’s enough to make a person regret being a manager! 

How might your organization be different if your managers went from not knowing how to stop under-performing teams that are repeat offenders to actively shifting their teams into high gear?  The Coaches Approach To Management Progress™ is a sustainable approach that helps managers create an environment that facilitates progress, drawing on the best of their team’s collective and individual ability, experience and actions.  Let's get started!

-          Check yourself first. In order for you to master this technique it’s important to learn how to become curious about the issues facing your team, not just ticked off.  Remember, a culture of anger in the workplace may get results temporarily, but it’s rarely inspiring or sustainable.

-          Ask and listen.  Ask open-ended questions, keeping questions broad, then growing more specific as needed.

o   Example: It seems like the team is missing a lot of deadlines. What do you think is the root of the problem?

-          Acknowledge and validate.  This part of the process breaks down defensiveness and helps the listener(s) open up.

o   Example – So from where you sit, a lack of resources has kept you stuck in the details preventing you from having time to make a dent in the larger initiatives (acknowledge).  I can understand how being overwhelmed with tactical things can take up enormous amounts of time and energy (validate).

-          State the concern, focused on the work/outcome.  Frame what success looks like as a group, state your position, expectations and commitment, then partner vs. point.  Keep your words focused on work-related issues and items, to reduce the chance that you sound like you’re making it personal.

o   Example: I’m concerned because the project is running the risk of getting escalated to the executive level, for all the wrong reasons (stating the concern).  Ultimately, I know we all want to make sure our client can launch on the commitment date (frame group success). I’m disappointed about our current standing and am committed to do meet regularly to ensure we get back on track (state your position, expectations and commitment). How can I help you/the team this week identify what’s getting in the way of meeting deadlines? (establish yourself as an equally-vested partner vs. an out of touch disciplinarian).

-          Clarify and summarize.  As much as possible, use exact words to repeat back what you’ve heard.  This is a subtle but powerful way to establish that you respect those involved, even if you don’t agree with current results.

o   Example: So, the team is accustomed to not being held accountable for missing meetings and completing milestone reports?  Is that right?  And the best way I can help you today is to communicate directly to the team about the visibility of this project, and my expectations around team participation.

-          Include the team in setting boundaries, establishing checkpoints and celebrating success.  Enterprise-level goals may not be subject to input, but including teams in establishing boundaries, checkpoints, etc. creates buy-in and accountability.  Your team will be excited about hearing when the team has made progress.

o   Example: How can each of the team members contribute to meeting or beating the remaining deadlines? How and when do they want to track and report out? If there are misses, what are some reasonable things you think they should count on from us? When success happens, what would be a meaningful way for the team to celebrate (and there are at least 5 ways in every team to celebrate that don’t cost a fortune or are free).

Positive behavioral change takes time.  If managers practice this approach, remain consistent and patient with the process their teams will eventually begin to connect with what success looks like.  The Coaches Approach To Management Progress™ frees up managers to focus on the things that moves their management nametag from "Stuck" to "Star"!

© 2014 All Rights Reserved   The Alice Project, LLC

One Line Life Changers 6.23.14 Edition

 

 

                                                                                                Photo Source: iStockphoto.com

 

Precious One, the rest of your life is in your hands. Start right here - right now:

 

Love God and let nothing get your eyes off of Him.

Follow your heart.

Love deeply.

Enjoy the journey.

Listen - a lot. Listen more.

Give. Be abundant and don't overthink it.

Smile because you can.  Someone else needs it and so do you.

Be kind to someone who doesn't know they need it.

Forgive someone who doesn't deserve it.

Insist on peace.  Start with being peaceful.

Go someplace new. And then be still when you get there.

Plan to let it go - whatever "it" is.

Dance. I dare you. Do it again tomorrow.

Stay in touch with what real beauty is. Enjoy what you discover.

Learn to be in anyone's company.

Have fun.

Never stop learning.

Invest in yourself in something that won't fade or break.

Trust yourself. Then listen.

Broaden your horizons.

Stop rushing yourself and letting others rush you.

Find kind ways to say no - to everyone, including yourself.

Turn the TV/phone off. Someone is waiting to know you.

Love yourself.

Breathe deeply and slowly. Every day. Discover God's spirit in each breath.

 

It's ok to live.  It's what you were created to do.  And yes - abundantly.