What Are You Afraid Of (Really)?

 



“I couldn’t agree with you more!” he said…. Wait...no argument? No diatribe about why now isn’t a good time for me to move forward? After so many years of deferring my dream, I had the full support from my life partner, my husband, Steve.  Now I'm not so sure after all this time that what has held me back all this time was actually, and only, ME.

So why, with a bright green light in front of me, did I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of hesitation at the realization that there were no boundaries between me and my dream?  I had 48 hours to make some important decisions and my mind filled with at least five “reasons” to wait until the spring. And then it hit me. I’m great at helping others identify what they want and overcome what they are afraid of, but in desperate need of my own medicine!

I’m fascinated by this thing I’ll call “Estrogenic Fear” and its ability to suffocate the internal and external progress of women, in every age group, every life role, every race and socio-economic bracket. I have a library full of fear-based beliefs about my own life, and for way too long I’ve “under-lived” my life.  But I have also always had a bull-headed determination that I would live by this motto (one of many) – “I will not get to the end of my life and say ‘I wish I had…’”. 

Google the keywords “women and fear” and find 471 million contributions on everything from women’s fear of success to women’s fear of not succeeding, and everything in between. So why care?   Because if you are a woman or you care about a woman, a large majority of the God-given dreams, goals and aspirations a woman is gifted with will go unachieved unless she pushes past her fear, gains Focus, identifies her Purpose and consistently lives with a Perspective that re-energizes her every day of her life. Without those three keys, the number of potentially life-changing, humanity shaping goals that go unrealized will, at minimum, equal the number of women who hold them.

Here are some fear-based myths that women unwittingly rely on to inform their own beliefs about themselves and their potential:

• I am alone.
• I have no support system.
• I’m too broken.
• I have no experience.
• I can’t handle (disappointment, heartbreak, (fill in the blank)
• I failed before so I’m doomed to repeat that.
• Failure is my identity because I’ve failed before.
• I have no education (formal or otherwise).
• I don’t know where to start so therefore I won’t /can’t start.
• I’m too (black, white, (insert race), direct, short, juicy, old, female, quiet, (insert any category).
• Because life is difficult now, joy is not possible.

 

If you think that sounds familiar, here are some outcomes that result from the misplaced, fear-driven beliefs listed above:

• Difficult circumstances are allowed to silence, consume and/or overwhelm
• Internal cues and warnings are ignored
• Personal goals/aspirations are forgotten, buried, replaced with the goals/aspirations of others, or (most tragically) assumed to be unworthy
• Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are ignored or sacrificed
• Values and core beliefs are shifted to fit external influences
• Constructive feedback that could otherwise be used to develop character, skills or perspective is internalized or the person vilified, creating a missed opportunity to become better and stronger
• Harmful feedback is internalized, normalized and categorized as truth
• Regret festers and blooms into bitterness, resentment, anger and other unhealthy emotions
• Mediocrity (living beneath one’s potential) becomes acceptable
• A current belief that there are a lack of options becomes the belief that there will never be any options
• Creative thinking and hopeful behavior are retired, ignored or hidden
• Joy becomes illusive, secondary to everything/anything and is replaced with emptiness

 



I’ve heard it said that nothing worth having is easy. Theodore Roosevelt put it this way: “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

Every one of the fear-driven beliefs listed above has an opposite, and specific strategies that immobilize fear’s influence. The Alice Project’s mission is to help women, at every stage of their life and career, discover Focus, Purpose and Perspective.

For more information on coaching, panel or keynote speaking availability, corporate program development and tools and resources, call or write for more information today - 678-849-5999 or info@the-alice-project.com.