This past September I closed a long chapter of being a full-time caregiver to my beautiful mother. I had no regrets when my mother passed away. I miss her every single day but I felt the wisdom of mid-life reminding me of something I teach my coaching clients to say: “I will not look back on my life and say ‘I wish I had…’ I will live with no regrets.”
A couple of months ago, I was once again reminded of how important it is to make choices that will protect me from the sting of regret. I lost a dear friend after a long illness. We shared the same first name, the same church family, some of the same friends and a passion for God. But life moved us away from each other. We both had occasion to hear about the directions our lives were taking, and well wishes were shared but our paths didn’t cross for more than 16 years…until a couple of months ago.
One of my big brothers, remembering that this friend was in my wedding, called to tell me that this Precious One was in the hospital and the prognosis wasn’t good. The busyness that invaded my day halted to a concerned focus and my priorities changed. I felt compelled to find a way to see my friend, if only for moment, and I did.
I sat with her only brother in a dimly light room – a stranger for only a moment – in no rush to go anywhere. We were both perfectly content watching her adjust herself to get comfortable and following the gray rhythms of her monitors. When my friend was awake and tried to communicate, her brother and I quietly celebrated when we finally understood what she was trying to say us. My friend eventually became lucid enough to realize who I was and she seemed to be as glad to see me as the last time I saw her more than 16 years ago. She relaxed. I spoke peace to her. I sang to her about the Jesus we long to see one day. As I began to pray, to my surprise, she tenderly closed her eyes to silently join me and I laid my hands gently on her arm. I prayed in the spirit hesitant to move, sensing I was somehow standing in front of a Heavenly veil. I held her delicate hand. And then I left. And I knew… I had just held hands with my friend at the gates of eternity; it was hard for me to speak the rest of the night.
Driving almost an hour late at night to see a friend I hadn’t seen in years, made absolutely perfect sense. I had not been a presence in her life for more than 16 years, and yet I felt compelled to be present. Heavily medicated, I wasn’t sure she would even recognize me. And yet, I wanted her to see my face. On an I.C.U. ward I wondered if my presence would interrupt her precious moments of pain-free rest. And yet I knew – there is something to be said for just showing up. I’ve gotten my priorities wrong too many times to count. Today I am thanking God for the opportunity to experience getting one right. There were countless others that had been present and involved long before I showed up but what a joy to be able to respond to a moment that mattered in life of someone I cared about.
So, what about you? What’s been happening in your life that you have been opting out of – for the wrong reasons? What moments have you missed because your intellect, your schedule or a misplaced agenda got in the way of your spirit’s prompting? What priorities have clouded you from missing the things that have lasting value and lifelong impact?
When I look to weigh what takes priority in my life in 2014 and beyond I pray that I will remember that being obedient to a compelling moment granted me a gift that had eternal significance. I had the humbling, awe-struck privilege of holding the hand of a Heaven-hungry soul, just on this side of Glory.
I’m sure we’ll all have opportunities to challenge our priorities in 2014, but may we all be encouraged to obey and respond to life’s most important moments that are just waiting for us to show up to.
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